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Grandparents' Journey From Vanilla Sex to BDSM

on Thursday, 22 February 2018. Posted in Front Page Headline, Media Updates

Westword

“Most couples think that honest communication is the key to a happy relationship, but they don't understand that honest communication does not mean just talking honestly," Doug says. "It means talking completely, being unafraid to be vulnerable enough to each other and admit that you have thoughts, desires, fantasies that some people might think are strange, but you need to have the comfort level with your partner to not hold anything back.”

Guest Blog: Parenting and polyamory

on Wednesday, 21 February 2018. Posted in NCSF News

by Tiro

A few years ago, I was talking to a therapist who knew nothing about polyamory. (In fact, she seemed to know very little about most things and our sessions were more like a series of 45-minute lectures on alternative lifestyles—thanks, National Health Service!) I was attempting to explain that yes, I had two partners, both of whom knew about each other, and who had at least one other partner of their own, and yes, this was completely comfortable for me and not in any way pathological, and so on. Eventually, after a lot of rhetorical and emotional labor, she finally looked at me and said, with some satisfaction, “Well, since you’re not planning on having any children, I guess you should do whatever works for you.”

At the time, that felt like enough of a victory, but I’ve heard the same claim repeated both inside and outside the poly-knowledgeable spheres I live in, and every time it’s bothered me slightly more. Why would a poly family be a bad environment to raise children?

More than one in three Americans is part of a stepfamily. This means they have experienced the addition of other adults and/or children, not genetically related to them, into their domestic life. It also means that they have experienced the trauma of a relationship ending, either as a child or a parent.

Research suggests that the single biggest positive factor in minimizing negative outcomes for children involved in separation is positive co-parenting. If children are able to spend the right amount of time with both parents and are not subjected to acrimony, the vast majority of them do well.

In a poly family with children, there is a biological mother and father for each child, and a selection of additional adults, some of whom may take on a measure of parental responsibility. This looks very similar to a blended or step-family of two divorced adults, their new partners, and children from their current and previous relationships. The major difference is a poly family doesn’t come together after a traumatic separation. It’s all of the benefits of having extra adult perspectives in a child’s life, only nobody hates each other—or worse, desperately tries to pretend they don’t hate each other.

Of course, poly families with less stable bonds, or whose lifestyles entail more disruption of the children’s routines, are much less likely to produce stable, well-adjusted children, but the same can be said for situations where one parent has multiple short-term monogamous relationships as they spasmodically try to rediscover the dating scene.

Naturally, there’s no research out there to compare children raised in poly families to those from monogamous post-divorce blended families or monogamous couples who stayed together, so this is all conjecture. I believe, however, that the obvious comparison with blended families means there’s no clear reason to claim that poly families can’t raise happy, successful children.

THE PAKISTANI-AMERICAN 'MR. LEATHER' BUSTING BDSM STEREOTYPES

on Wednesday, 21 February 2018. Posted in Front Page Headline, Media Updates

Paper Mag

In the world of BDSM, the lack of representation of people of color persists as it does in many other pockets of American mainstream and underground culture. One man breaking the mold of the stereotypical white leather daddy is Ali Mushtaq, a Pakistani-American from California whose presence at leather events and in BDSM circles is something of an anomaly, given his Muslim background and in his words, "Punjabi" appearance. Having won the title of Mr. Leather at a competition in California last year, Mushtaq has been using his platform to drive forward the conversation around visibility, representation and equality in sexuality. Breaking down stereotypes that Muslims can't be into fetishes or kink, Mushtaq is a sex symbol for a modern age — one in which religion, race and gender are no longer barriers to freedom of sexual expression.

Polyamory In The PRC: A Brief History Of Sex And Swinging In Modern China

on Thursday, 15 February 2018. Posted in Front Page Headline, Media Updates

SupChina

In 2010, the then-53-year-old bespectacled academic became the face of Chinese swinging when he was arrested for “group licentiousness.” Although one of 22 charged, it was Ma’s refusal to quietly roll over and plead guilty, coupled with his professorial status, that made him a cause célèbre; it was thusly revealed, to many in China, that orgies are technically illegal.

The case symbolized the division between an older, staunchly conservative establishment and its more progressive, post-Reform juniors, who take freewheeling, pluralistic runs at formerly forbidden fare.

NCSF is Coming to Atlanta for our 21st Anniversary Celebration!

on Tuesday, 13 February 2018. Posted in NCSF News

2018 Schedule PG1 cut

Click to Download 

Annual Coalition Partner Meeting

Friday March 9th 10 am – 6pm

Atlanta GA

@ Crowne Plaza Atlanta Airport, 1325 Virginia Avenue, Atlanta, GA

The NCSF Annual Coalition Partner Meeting is for representatives of the Coalition Partners and the NCSF Board and Staff members to come together to discuss the year-end reports on NCSF projects and programs, and to set goals for the coming year. The NCSF Board members are elected at the annual meeting, and the budget and financials are approved.

The NCSF Annual CP Meeting is open to all members of NCSF and its member organizations. The Annual CP Meeting will also be available via video conferencing. Please RSVP to: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. to receive the details.

NCSF will be participating in events throughout the weekend in Atlanta:

Rope Bite at 1763 – Celebrate NCSF’s 21st Birthday!

http://www.1763.net/Atlanta_Bound.html

"Rope Bite @Nite" is a rope-centric event held the second Saturday of each month at 1763 from 8-2pm. The evening starts out with a class and demo focused on rope education and then evolves into the Decadence play party. NCSF Board Members and staff will bring a birthday cake to celebrate our 21st anniversary with Rope Bite members!

LLC, the Leadership Conference – Workshops and an Award!

www.leatherleadership.org

NCSF is proud to be receiving the “Leadership in Action” Award at LLC which is designed to recognize the people who have contributed their skills, time and effort into sharing with and being supportive of our community. NCSF Board Members and Staff will be attending and participating in the Leadership Conference with 3 workshops planned. For those who want to attend LLC, go here to register and get a discounted hotel room rate:

Atlanta Poly – Consent Counts with NCSF!

https://www.meetup.com/Atlanta-Polyamory/events/244565128/

https://www.facebook.com/events/125748568217619/

https://fetlife.com/events/620502

This is a chance for the polyamory community in Atlanta to get together and discuss our experiences in a roundtable discussion. It is also an opportunity for newcomers to learn all about polyamory. March's topic of discussion will be Consent Counts with a representative from the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom. There will also be a bonus opportunity to discuss how to find a kink/poly-aware mental health professional with our very own Nickie Fuentes (facilitator of the Lilburn support group and Atlanta Poly sponsor).

For those who are interested in running for the Board of NCSF or volunteering, please contact This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Where can a Black polyamorous woman feel safe to look for love?

on Tuesday, 13 February 2018. Posted in Front Page Headline, Media Updates

The Daily Dot

For polyamorous communities to become more accepting, organizers need to look to the inclusivity and discussions created on these blogs. They need to create groups and meetups without the idea of what the polyamorous community “should” or “is expected” to look like. The idea that polyamory is a “white thing” has been ingrained in our culture for so long that group creators, intentionally or not, might not think about what rules and word choices make people of color feel ostracized.

Meet The Dominatrix Who Requires The Men Who Hire Her To Read Black Feminist Theory

on Tuesday, 13 February 2018. Posted in Front Page Headline, Media Updates

Huffington Post

Eventually, I realized, wow, I’m emotionally invested in my clients. They’re getting this safe space. The ways that patriarchy impacts men, they can’t really be submissive in a lot of contexts. They come to me looking for a safe space to explore the parts of them that may not be seen as masculine, or they might have a lot of shame around. They may not have opportunities to be their full selves in a lot of ways, including sexually, because of those societal constraints.

Reviewers are happy to be free of the film franchise based on E.L. James' novels.

on Monday, 12 February 2018. Posted in Front Page Headline, Media Updates

Hollywood Reporter

Ana’s newfound playfulness is thanks, in part, to Johnson. Critics across the board agreed that the lead actress' performance is the film's only redeemable quality. Peter Travers from Rolling Stone writes that the action-packed plot "does give Johnson — a clever actress who deserves much better — a reprieve from getting trussed up naked and pawed by her costar.” The Guardian’s Benjamin Lee praises Johnson for remaining “a compelling presence, trying her darnedest with lifeless words, but, again, she’s stranded by the energy-sucking vortex of nothingness that is Jamie Dornan. He’s better than this (as he has shown with menace in The Fall) but he knows it and his boredom is lazily apparent throughout."

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