NCSF on TwitterSubscribe to the NCSF RSS FeedNCSF Blog

NCSF Headlines

NCSF Blog

Stay in Touch. Stay in the Know.

When the Dominatrix Moved in Next Door

on Saturday, 16 March 2019. Posted in Front Page Headline, Media Updates

The New York Times

But the battle on Quincy Street is about more than just sex. For Ms. Miller, it’s about trust and safety; for Ms. Taillor, it’s about respect and kink-shaming. As both women fought to protect their communities, what resulted was a culture clash and gentrification struggle all wrapped up into one fight.

19 03 16

Why Mental Health Practice Guidelines are Crucial for Working with Kink, BDSM, & Fetish

on Friday, 15 March 2019. Posted in Front Page Headline, NCSF News

As helping professionals, mental health workers have an ethical and a professional responsibility to provide culturally sensitive care to our clients. Sensitive care is especially crucial for individuals who are underserved and misunderstood in society, such as those involved in kink and fetish. When some find their way to mental health professionals for help, they may be fortunate to find a therapist who is knowledgeable and experienced with kink and BDSM. Yet, many more may find clinicians unfamiliar with kink who have unaddressed biases or may pathologize them. Due to this care gap and high likelihood of negative experiences, people involved in kink often fear being stigmatized and can experience the negative effects of minority stress.

To change this, in the Spring of 2018, a team of highly experienced clinicians gathered to explore what constitutes clinical best practices in working with those who are interested and/or involved in leather, kink, BDSM, and/or fetish eroticism.

Because our goal is to have this project be community-informed, we need YOUR input so our guidelines are culturally aware, clinically relevant, strengths-based, and useful. We invite community-members who are involved in kink/BDSM as well as clinicians, educators, and researchers familiar with the kink and fetish client experiences to share their ideas via our new 2019 Clinical Practice Guidelines Draft Survey. Your involvement will make these guidelines better informed,
more culturally appropriate, and inclusive.

Please invite others to participate as well. When we work together, we can create a safer world and better mental health resources for those who need them!

To feedback form directly: http://bit.ly/draftguidelines

Kink clinical guidelines

For more information:
https://www.kinkguidelines.com/

The NCSF Coalition Partners Met in Portland

on Monday, 11 March 2019. Posted in Front Page Headline, NCSF News

The 22nd Annual Meeting of the NCSF Coalition Partners took place in Portland, OR, on March 2-3rd. The Coalition Partner representatives elected the Board Members and discussed new and ongoing projects, like Consent Counts which aims to decriminalize sexual conduct between consenting adults. The Annual Reports on NCSF programs and our goals for the year were discussed by Coalition Partner representatives.

18 Coalition Partners attended the NCSF Annual Meeting in person, online or by proxy:

1st Capital Finance
Adventures in Sexuality
Arizona Power Exchange
Asylum Buffalo
Black & Poly
Catalyst
Columbus Space
F.I.R.E.
FLOG St. Louis
MAsT Boise
New Mexico Leather League
PanEros Foundation
PolyDallas Millennium
Satin Sheet Dreams
StL3, Inc
TES
The Red Chair (TRC)
The Woodshed Orlando

This year, 9 people ran for 5 elected Board seats, all of whom had excellent qualifications. The members of the new NCSF Board are:

Susan Wright – Chairperson
Keira Harbison – Vice-Chair
Ben Schenker – Treasurer
Tess Zachary – Secretary
Archer Shelton
Choc Trei
Elizabeth Newsom, LCSW-Supervisor
J. Tebias
Jackie “Bebe” Harris
Judy Guerin
Rich Richbart
Ruby B Johnson, LCSW, LCDC
Russell J. Stambaugh, PhD, DST, CSSP

Rubys workshop at Annual Meeting

NCSF thanks Ruby B. Johnson, LCSW, LCDC, for providing a Consent Workshop entitled Power: The Individual following the Annual Meeting for CP reps, NCSF Board Members, Advocates and Staff. By the end of the workshops, participants could evaluate coercion, capacity, and advocacy in negotiating power exchange.

Immediately following was a special meeting of the Portland Sex Positive Community Council that discussed the upcoming Northwest Consent Summit on October 5-6th. We hope to see you there!

 

I Suddenly Stopped Being Kinky and I’m Not Sure Why

on Friday, 08 March 2019. Posted in Front Page Headline, Media Updates

SELF

“Most people have some fixed erotic themes,” Kolmes told me, noting that some “are accustomed to things looking different in different relationships” while others get “surprised” by changes to those themes. They emphasized that the shift isn’t necessarily a cause for concern. “It’s my view that sexual desire and interest and practices can change and that’s normal and healthy,” they said. “But if someone’s upset about it, I want us to figure out what is upsetting for that person.”

19 03 08

Sex-Work Decriminalization Is Becoming an Issue For 2020

on Thursday, 07 March 2019. Posted in Front Page Headline, Media Updates

Rolling Stone

Harris’s about-face on the issue of decriminalization speaks volumes about the increasing prominence of sex workers’ rights on the national stage, says Jessie Sage, a sex columnist for the Pittsburgh City Paper, an organizer with the advocacy group SWOP Pittsburgh and a cohost of the Peepshow Podcast, which covers the sex industry. “The sex work community doesn’t trust Harris or have a clear sense of what she means by [her stated support of decriminalization],” Sage says. “But I do think that the fact that she would find it politically advantageous to say this is important, and tells us something about changing attitudes.” And these changing attitudes are supported by hard numbers: a 2016 Marist College poll found that 49 percent of Americans supported sex work being legal, while six out of 10 respondents said they opposed prosecution of those arrested for sex work.

19 03 07 2

I Worked As A Dominatrix For Over 5 Years. Here’s What It’s Really Like.

on Thursday, 07 March 2019. Posted in Front Page Headline, Media Updates

Huffington Post

One of the first things I learned at my new job was that men of all ages, social classes, and religious and ethnic backgrounds found the dungeon to be the only place they felt safe enough to take off their mask, remove their armor and reveal their vulnerabilities, traumas and pain, in an effort to heal and become better men. The surrender of their minds and souls was, and still is, one of the most beautiful things I have ever witnessed in my life. And it was all happening at the hands of powerful women.

19 03 07

“One of the Most Taboo Conversations” — New Yorkers Push to Decriminalize Sex Work

on Tuesday, 05 March 2019. Posted in Front Page Headline, Media Updates

The Intercept

“This is one of the most taboo conversations for us to be having as a society,” New York state Sen. Jessica Ramos told the Foley Square rally. “And we are not going to stop.” Ramos will be introducing the decriminalization bill this spring alongside newly elected democratic socialist Sen. Julia Salazar, Sen. Brad Hoylman, and Assembly Member Richard Gottfried, all Democrats.

Guest Blog: Celebrating Metamour Day!

on Wednesday, 27 February 2019. Posted in Front Page Headline, NCSF News

My name is Intimacy ConAmore. I am the Ambassador for PolyDallas Millennium. I am the creator of Polyamorous Freedom to Love. Thank you to my Metamour, Keira Of NCSF, for the opportunity to share my story.

Recently I was informed that there was going to be a day to celebrate Metamours, and I was excited to find this out. A Metamour is the title for describing your partners other significant others. I love having and being Metamours, some do not care to have or for being a Metamour. This is my experience with Metamours in my life. Growing up I was loved by my Grandparent's Metamours and those interactions are memories of joy.

My very own first Metamour and I decided to be friends and teach our cheating Jr. High Captain of the Football Team, Mr. popular boyfriend to be honest. And to this very day, he appreciates my decision to reach out to her and propose that she and I team up on him about his previously dishonest ways and encouraged him to be ethically non-monogamous. I still consider her a friend even though both of our relationships with him ended before freshman year of high school.

My next Metamour relationship was brief and sad. We didn't get to meet each other until the day of his funeral 23 years ago this coming March, the week of my Sr. Prom. To this day, I know that if I needed her help, she would be there for me and vice versa. This was bittersweet because we knew each other from school but I didn't really care about who else he was dating when I was with him so we just spoke in general terms about other partners. Recognizing her as a classmate at his funeral and then to have her embrace me and acknowledge me as his fiancé was an act of love that I felt she didn't have to do but she chose to do. In my mind we both loved him and we were both grieving, to me she was just as important on that day as I was even though she wasn't engaged or married to him. I have never really believed in the traditional ideas of relationship hierarchy. I give all of my Metamours the same initial opportunity to let me be a good friend to them regardless of how long they have been around or whether they are married to our shared love or even if they are just a new person that has been on just one date.

Then it was some years before I healed enough to have any seriously loving relationships again. My next Metamour changed my life. She hated me from the get go. But our shared partner always chose me when she tried to force him to stop having a relationship with me. It was two decades of hell with her. And recently she reached out and we had a decent conversation. I do not feel like she hated me now. I do not hold her previous choices to mistreat me against her. I have always wanted nothing but the best kinds of love for and from her. But it was a rough thing to deal with for so long, over and over again. I am not unscathed from it. I am happy that I still chose to love her through it all even if she couldn't accept it.

Recently, I had to make a choice that I have never wanted to make with any of my Metamours and break up with a Metamour. She was the partner to my ex-partner whom I still loved like a sister wife. I called her my child's other mom. Often times people couldn't tell which of us was our son's biological mom. We were so close and happy as friends and co-parents. I choose to love my friends of any capacity for life. Especially my Metamours even after neither of us are in relationships with whomever we originally shared as a mutual love. But this Metamour lost her way to Alcohol Addiction. I had to sever her relationship with myself and our son because her actions toward myself and my son were causing us harm. I am still saddened about this happening last April. It has been surreal celebrating holidays without her presence. I wish the best for her and I left the door open for her to return when she finds her way to a sober life.

Recently, I experienced more love from my Metamours than I ever conceived was possible. I went to Philadelphia for a week to visit a close friend and one of my newer partners of one and a half years. While I was there, we all attended the Polyliving Philadelphia 2019 Conference. During the conference I experienced what I would describe as magical metamourship. I met some Metamours for the first time and they were so warm and loving and truly made me feel like I had known them for years. Others I had met before but never had social one on one time with them. I got lots of one on one moments with so many of them throughout the weekend during the conference. In my mind, I kept thinking, if only that one Metamour that hated me for two decades would have just let us have what my new group of Metamours and I have. I can't speak highly enough of my personal experiences with all of these Metamours. It was everything and more than most Metamours get to experience.

Reality is that all relationships of whatever type are never perfect, not always happy and fulfilling, but that doesn't take away from my intentions to be the best Metamour I can be. I want to be a source of empowering love for my Metamours. They are crucial to the love and happiness of my partners. I can never be the everything that any one partner desires, so why wouldn't I be anything but welcoming to others to help add love to my partners’ lives. I hope that everyone gets to experience Metamour love and friendships the way that I have received and the way that I give. Happy Metamour Day!

February 28th is Metamour Day!

Metamour Day 5

Metamour Day 4

Metamour Day 9

Metamour Day 7

[12 3 4 5  >>